Faithless
by LIBlonde
Summary: **WHAT IF CARTER HADN'T COME BACK?** I tried to fix the format...if the italics dont show up, I would think you were an angel if you told me how to make italics and such. Email's YankeeFan099@att.net. Please leave a review, constructive criticism please!


"What do you want me to say? Tell me what I have to do to get through to you!"  
  
iYou don't have to do anything. You're perfect in every way. I'm just confused and scared about the other night and...it's me, I swear.../i  
  
But I was too stupid to do anything. I just stood there, looking at my feet.  
  
But he just left. uHe actually walked out on me./u  
  
I stood there for a few seconds, trying to sink in what had just happened. I glanced my eyes over my shoulder, and he kept walking away. It was too late to say anything now.  
  
He was really gone?  
  
iJust wait one second. He'll come back./i  
  
When nothing happened, I forced myself to keep moving forward, just get to my sponsor and finish the night. It was to late to do anything about Carter. iBut he'll probably call when I'm at home./i  
  
I just kept walking. I saw the black jeep turn the corner. iIt'll be all right./i  
  
"We're gonna be all right..."  
  
Not that again, dont let me think about that again, not now...  
  
I suddenly didn't feel like meeting up with my sponsor. I stood at the corner for a few seconds, trying to evaluate what I was supposed to to otherwise.  
  
Rather than make my way across the street, I started walking toward the spot where the short, bald vendor eternally seemed to be.  
  
I walked up to him. It was cold and dark and kind of drizzily, but his potato chip display was still up.  
  
"Umm..." I said, hesitating. "One...uh..." I pointed under the grill.  
  
He nodded. "Three bucks." and opened the compartment under the grill.  
  
He slipped the bottle into a paper bag, and I gave him his money. I can't say that I didn't feel jut the slightest bit relieved as I clutched it in my hand.  
  
I rounded the corner and took a deep sip. It felt so good, finally again. It wasn;t recreational drinking. And Carter would go ballistic if he knew.  
  
Oh, yeah. If he even cared anymore. iStop saying that./i  
  
I felt a single tear start to well up in my eye. I took one more sip, trying to block out the memories. It only helped a little bit.  
  
I walked down the block and was eventually turning the key into my apartment. I walked in and grabbed the phone. I needed to tell my sponsor I wasn't going to show up, or she'd chase after me.  
  
"Hello?" He slightly squeaky voice asked.  
  
"Hey, it's Abby..."  
  
"Hey, girl! You'll be late?"  
  
"Umm...I'm actually not coming."  
  
"What? You're not? Well, did someting happen--"  
  
"Actually, I'm not sure I really need to go."  
  
"But--"  
  
"I think I can trust myself. I've been doing really well..." I felt guilty, spilling out these lies and holding a bottle of beer simultaneously.  
  
"Um, are you sure?"  
  
"Yeah, totally. I have your number if I need you, and I know where and when the meetings are."  
  
"Umm...if you're sure. Call me if you need anything."  
  
"Thanks, see ya!"  
  
I hung up the phone. I set the beer on the table and took off my coat. I sat don near the table soon enough, I stared at the bottle, and with every fiber of my body could not stop myself from grabbing it.  
  
I took a deep sip.  
  
iWhen is he going to call?/i  
  
I finished the bottle and laid my head back. iThis isn't happening, this isn't happening.../i  
  
I dragged myself to bed in tears. All the other guys were too easy to drink away, but every sip of the beer made a clear memory of Carter flash in my mind. I needed him more than I knew, and the fact that he didn;t love me like he did anymore, that he uwas/u sick of all my fucking antics...I just couldn't stand the fact that he wasn't coming back. iOf course he's coming back. He promised he'd always be there for you, a long time ago. He promised.../i  
  
I needed to wash up. I grabbed my CD's and shuffled through the mixed ones I'd made on the computer. "JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS!" That was a fun movie. I picked up the CD I'd made and put it in the stereo.  
  
I washed my face as the first song I'd put on there started.  
  
*This is the place where i sitThis is the part where I love you too muchIs this as hard as it gets?`Cause I'm getting tired of pretending I'm toughI'm here if you want meI'm yours, you can hold meI'm empty and achin`, tumblin` and breakin``Cause you don't see meAnd you don't need meAnd you don't love meThe way I wish you couldThe way I know you could...*  
  
I stomped my way to the stereo and pressed the "STOP" button. It was too much...  
  
I looked at the phone. iRelax, mabye he just hasn't had the chance./i  
  
I couldn't wait anymore. I grabbed the phone and dialed his number.  
  
It was ringing. I anxiously clutched the phone. Two rings...three...four...  
  
"Hey. This is John. I'm not around, so leave a message after the beep."  
  
BEEP  
  
I didn't know what to do. Hang up?  
  
"Umm, Carter? It's me. You there?"  
  
Nothing.  
  
"If you're there please pick up. We just..." I rubbed my eye, tears making their way down my face. "...I really need to talk to you. Please...please call back."  
  
I waited a second to see if he was there again. Nothing. So I hung up.  
  
I stared at the phone. iWhat's happened?/i  
  
I ran to my bedroom and cried for an hour until I fell asleep.  
  
He wasn't coming back, was he?  
  
He was the first person who I could listen to and believe every word...but he was gone. Really gone...  
  
iBut he promised.../i  
  
Yeah? Well then that's another situation to add to my list of why I gave up on trusting people a long time ago. 


End file.
